Choreographing Connections

My two youngest girls are reality tv junkies. They come by it naturally because I also love a show with a good bit of drama, scripted or not. This summer we fell into the habit of watching Dance Moms every night before bed. It’s a horrible show. The dance teacher is mean. The moms are mean. The dance moves are the same every episode. They pit the kids against each other. The “villain” is some lady that lives in another state that they occasionally compete against. (What?! Why?!) The absurdity of it all keeps us coming back to it night after night, I suppose.

But really it isn’t Dance Moms that keeps the three of us crawling back into the oversized bed, piling on pillows and fighting over who gets the softest blanket. It’s that every night we know that we get to have that sacred (yes, I’m going to call watching Dance Moms sacred) time together. For one hour, we are going to cuddle, laugh, root for our favorite characters, protest when the dance teacher does something ridiculous, and inevitably find ways to relate our own lives to what’s happening on the show. Watching Dance Moms has been a way that I connect daily with my two youngest kids.

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When I was a kid, my siblings and I spent summers watching The Young and the Restless with my mom. Talk about absurdity in a show! They recycle those plot lines in the most ridiculous ways! Victor and Nikki were household names in our home growing up. I thought having a job in the real world meant that you busted out your decanter of scotch at every business meeting. Danny Romalotti was the only pop star I cared about. I dreamed of dying my hair red because I wanted so badly to be a badass, just like Phyliss. Summer hours were mostly spent locked in my room reading book after book. But come 11am, the tv was going to be turned on and we were all going to be laid out all over the living room, experiencing every unbelievable twist and turn together.

I continued watching The Young and the Restless throughout my adult life up until a few years ago when I could no longer keep up with it anymore. It has always been something I can talk about with my mom. Luckily, the characters never change! To do this day, I’ll ask my mom, “What’s been happening on Y&R?!” And I can jump right back into the drama, like I never stopped watching it. It will always be a way that my siblings and I can connect with our mom, as silly as it may seem.

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As my kids transition out of childhood and into their teen years, I’m finding that it takes a little more effort on my part to find ways to connect with them. They are more inclined to hole up in their rooms, alone. I’m having to think up creative ways to spend time with them. But I’m here to tell you, it’s worth it to put in the time. Teens get a bad rap. Sure, they can be moody and a lot of the things they say don’t make any sense. Mid? Rizz? GYAT? Cap? But I’ve found that teens are passionate about justice and equality, and things that really matter in the world. They are funny and smart. They are dealing with a lot of pressure from school and life in general and they want us to know they’re trying their best. And I think ultimately, they want the people in their life to reach out to them and find ways to connect. And really, isn’t that what we all want in life? Connection. Family. A community of people to do life with.

I would be remiss if I didn’t touch on the fact that September is Suicide Prevention and Awareness Month. I wouldn’t normally feel the need to bring that up, but this year started with someone that I love planning to kill themselves. We live in a day and age where it is easier than ever to isolate ourselves. Connection has never been as important as it is today. Whether we are building relationships with our kids, our family, or our friends, I feel confident in saying that everyone desires connection with other people. What would it look like if we didn’t wait for our kids to ask us for time together? What if instead of telling our friend, “Hey we should get together soon!”, we said “Are you free for lunch on Thursday?” Life is too short to wait for someone else to make the first move.

(Couldn’t get it to upload the video womp womp womp so here’s a blurry pic of us dancing badly)

This post is part of a blog hop with Exhale—an online community of women pursuing creativity alongside motherhood, led by the writing team behind Coffee + Crumbs. Click here to view the next post in the series "Moment in Time".